The Hidden Pain of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria: When Your ADHD or AuDHD Brain Amplifies Rejection

watercolour by Alice Bramhill

A note to readers: Today I'm sharing about a deeply painful aspect of ADHD and AuDHD that isn't discussed enough. If you've ever felt like you're "too sensitive" or that rejection hits you harder than it seems to hit others, this post is for you.

What RSD Really Feels Like

For many people with ADHD, rejection doesn't just sting-it shatters.

Imagine this: Your manager gives some mild feedback on a project. A reasonable response might be slight disappointment followed by determination to improve. But with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), that same feedback can trigger an emotional tsunami that floods your entire system:

• Intense shame that feels physically painful

• Certainty that you're about to be fired

• Overwhelming urge to quit before you can be rejected further

• Flashbacks to every rejection you've ever experienced

• Complete inability to access memories of your competence or success

And all this happens within seconds-before your rational mind can even engage.

The Invisible Disability Within a Disability

What makes RSD particularly debilitating is how invisible it remains. While you're experiencing emotional pain comparable to a physical injury, externally you might appear:

• Simply "too sensitive"

• Overreacting

• Dramatic

• Lacking resilience

This misunderstanding compounds the pain. Not only are you experiencing intense emotional distress, but you're often blamed for it or told to "just get over it."

How RSD Affects Daily Life

RSD doesn't just appear during obvious rejection. It can be triggered by:

• Unanswered text messages

• Someone's tone of voice changing slightly

• Being interrupted in conversation

• Not being invited to something

• Constructive feedback on work

• A partner needing alone time

These triggers can make everyday interactions feel like navigating a minefield. Many with RSD develop comprehensive coping mechanisms that are exhausting to maintain:

• People-pleasing behaviours

• Perfectionism

• Social withdrawal

• Avoiding new experiences

• Constant reassurance-seeking

• Preemptively rejecting others

You Are Not Alone (And That Matters)

The most transformative moment in my journey with RSD came when I learned there was a name for what I was experiencing.

What I had always interpreted as a fundamental character flaw-being "too sensitive"-was actually a neurological response common among people with ADHD. The relief was profound.

Knowing you're not alone changes everything. It shifts RSD from a personal failing to a shared experience-something many neurodivergent people struggle with.

Finding Your Way Through

While RSD may always be part of your neurodivergent experience, there are ways to reduce its impact:

Understanding triggers: Start noticing patterns in what situations activate your RSD. Knowledge is power.

Naming it when it happens: Simply recognising "This is my RSD" creates helpful distance from overwhelming emotions.

Physical grounding: When RSD hits, focus on physical sensations—press your feet into the floor, place your hand on your heart, feel your breath.

Checking the evidence: Write down what actually happened versus what your RSD is telling you happened. Challenge catastrophic interpretations.

Creating a response delay: When triggered, give yourself a cooling-off period before responding.

Building a support network: Connect with others who understand RSD and won't dismiss your experience.

Self-validation: Practice acknowledging your feelings: "I'm having a strong reaction right now. That makes sense given my neurology."

Community Care

One of the most healing aspects of my work has been creating spaces where people can share their RSD experiences without shame. Time and again, I've watched the relief wash over someone's face when they realise:

"I'm not broken. I'm not alone. Other people feel this too."

This is why I believe so strongly in neurodivergent community-we need spaces where our experiences are normalised rather than pathologised.

What helps you?

I'd love to hear from you. What strategies have you found helpful for managing RSD? What would you add to this list?

Remember: Your sensitivity isn't weakness-it's part of your neurodivergent experience. With understanding and compassion, we can transform RSD from our greatest vulnerability into a source of connection.